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Tragedies,
Traumas, & Crises
Strategies
for Significant Others of
People Who Have Been Involved in a Crisis
If
someone whom you love has been involved in a tragic event, she or
he could need your help. The physical, emotional, and mental
demands of these events can overwhelm the stamina and strength of
even the best of us. Signs and symptoms of acute or traumatic
stress are normal reactions to abnormal events. No one who
experiences or witnesses such an event leaves untouched. Each
person will experience the stress of it in a unique way. Likewise,
what you can do to help your loved one will probably be unique.
Still, we can suggest some things to try.
- Listen with interest and encourage them
to tell you about their experience.
- Reassure them that they are safe and
loved.
- Ask them if you may help them with
routine, everyday tasks. If they agree, then do so.
- Respect their need for some private time.
- Ask, "What can I do that would be
helpful?"
- Explain that you regret that such an
event has occurred and that you would like to help in whatever
ways you can.
- Listen carefully without judging but with
understanding.
- Accept that your lives go on. Try to
maintain your normal routines. Encourage your loved one to
stick to her or his routines as much as possible.
- Respect your loved ones' anger or
irritability. Avoid discouraging or questioning their
irritability, anger, or outrage.
- Do NOT tell them they are lucky that
events were not worse or that they should be used to this or
that this is part of their job. While you probably are trying
to console and reassure them, these statements often
disrespect the intensity and enormity of the experience.
- DO tell your friend or relative that you
love them.
- DO tell them that you wish this tragedy
had not occurred.
- Reassure them that you want to help them
in whatever ways you can.
- Avoid arguing or being critical of them,
their decision, or their actions.
- Urge them to postpone major decisions--e.g.,
purchasing a home, changing jobs, having a child, moving to a
new city or state.
- Realize that your loved one will hurt and
feel vulnerable for a period of time. This is normal reaction
to an abnormal event. How much time your loved one will hurt
varies from person to person. However, if the signs of stress
do not begin to lessen within a few weeks, or if these signs
intensify, then consult a licensed mental health professional,
such as the staff of CAPS.
- While you might not understand what your
loved one is going through, offer your support and your love.
Small acts of kindness often have enormous meaning to
survivors and witnesses of tragic events.
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Association of Counseling Services (IACS).
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If you have questions or comments about this webpage, contact
CAPS at 575-5276.
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